Guide To Confusing Meats

Venison = deer
Veal = baby cow
Brisket = cow
Tripe = stomach
Pork = pig

Dinner Invitations

When being invited to a dinner party, it is always a nice gesture to bring wine. Refrain from boxed wine, as it has a reputation of being lower-quality wine.

Movin' Out To Broadway

If you are confronted with having to sit through a Broadway musical, don't panic! Just suggest "Movin' Out." It is all of your favorite Billy Joel songs, sung by a Billy Joel imitator. High society, indeed!

Loafers

When buying dress shoes, remember that nothing is classier or more distinguished than a pair of loafers. And no loafers would be complete without the tassels. Wear them proudly!

Comedy

A lot of contemporary comedians are too crass for my tastes, but there are still some good, old-fashioned veterans performing now and then. Gallagher, Jon Pinette, Louie Anderson and Jeff Dunham are all still at it!

Sending Flowers

Everyone knows roses are great, but everyone sends them. When you are trying to impress, try something really unusual, like red tulips.

Of Salt And Pepper

If you are trying to cut down on your sodium, try pepper. It has a naturally salty flavor and much less sodium than salt.

Status Symbols

Everyone has a dog or a cat. If you want to make yourself stand out, try a rabbit or even a pigeon.

Job Hunting Advice

In today's hectic economy, try to make sure you appear professional in job interviews. Ensure all your tattoos are covered properly by your clothes. If you have tattoos a suit can't cover, use a cunningly-placed Band-Aid.

Smell The Part

A fine cologne is a remarkable asset, but there is no reason to break the bank. Places like Walgreen's and even Safeway sell a variety of scents for just a few dollars! Do some experimenting!